I don't know if it's the weather or something in the water but these last days, the need to talk about emotions is here. I hope it's not June because it's draining ... but at the end ... liberating i must say.
Promised, the next article will be very much superficial!:)
The week is not yet finished and i'm already burying two friendships! A very old one (a dear one) and another one more recent but the sadness and the anger are here.
Have you already experienced it? not me. I'm like some of you, i choose carefully my friends (well, i know i'm not the only one doing so ... come on, say it!), so i don't have tones in my life but i have real ones. It almost feel like i'm cutting a part of me ... so much friendship means to me, so much it cost me to say goodbye to someone dear.
Did i misjuge?
Not the first one. When one's moving up with his life, moving far far far away, it seems that something broke in the friend's life left behind. Some kind of bitterness is growing up and never stops. Until proved otherwise, i was always convinced that best friends can survive a long distance relationship ... with a huge disappointment, i was wrong!! When you share everything, that you're on the same page, you're close. That's why it's so regrettable to realize that your best friend, as time goes by, became someone else, different ... sometimes almost a stranger.
Everyone changes at some point in their life, we're willing to take different directions, it's a fact and quite normal, and i'm not the one who can contradict the game ... but there's a big BUT!
If your friend starts to take every source of energy you've got inside, every inch of kindness and devotion to heal their very own pains - whatever they are - to be able to get their strength back (or become stronger against their dilemnas) and they refuse to do so for you when needed , to be a shoulder to cry on so you can move on and keep fighting for your life you wanna reach ... that's where the shoe pinches (for me at least)!
That's exactly when a freezy air make my blood run cold ...this time, something was definitely broken but on my side. You can't come back from this place like nothing happened. You can't care for your best friend's life when it pleases him/her!!! Otherwise, why calling someone Best Friend?! This isn't a real friendship.
It must be me!
Concerning the other friendship ... the same lack of interest ... the same need of pumping my energy-help-guidance etc. Blinding by the wish to help, to stop any black sheep's pain (because i know what it is) ... you know as a strong worldwide black sheeps community?!! or maybe i care too much and some can't help themselves at using me?!? Yeah, it's a strong possibility.
Quite frankly at first, i didn't want to write anything about it ... maybe because it's too personal, but today, i feel the need to share to anyone who may think «friendship» the way i did! And yes, i said it in the past because i'm not sure if it's still possible to keep intact with time that kind of friendship with such a high level of confidence. Time will tell ... But mostly because sometimes, you really feel the need to scream out loud your anger and frustration against some human being.
Once again, we're living in a selfish and individualistic world where people think and act like:
ME ME ME and maybe you ... if i have nothing better to do!
Well, let me tell you that this is F*&@£ disgusting and i don't wanna live in a world like this. I'm not one of them ... i mean a grey sheep or actually a very dirty sheep that looks like a black one, but at the end, nothing else but a white one!
I do care, for myself and for everyone else ... but not at any price!
One very disappointing week ... but one of the hell new week to start a new chapter named «New Friendships» and keep going in my life with a fresher environment.
I breath better, i leave without remorse any grey sheep behind, who thinks he can fool a black one indefinitely and best of all ... i keep climbing high this mountain and nothing will stop me to reach the top!!
Have a good night my dear black sheeps friends, wherever you are!